Is it just me,

or is it really annoying when you tell someone a story where your kids are total monsters, and they sort of string you along, nodding, sympathizing, and then when you finish, they tell a story where their kids were acting in a similar manner, but because of what great parents they are, or how awesome their kids are, it all worked out great?  That's irritating, right?  

This afternoon, following a morning of taking my kids to the science center and then to Five Guys for lunch - basically, a day filled with happiness and treats, the boys came home and were complete jerks.  I had put Ruby down for a nap and then I lay down for a minute to overcome the headache that came on sometime during the third hour of our visit to the museum.  I sent the boys down to the basement to clean up Legos (knowing that they would not do that, but at least I thought they would not bother Ruby down there).  Plus, I told them not to wake Ruby up or else they would have a "really bad punishment" - that's my fallback when I don't have a carrot left to dangle.  Fifteen minutes later, they were both in my room, lying on my bed, complaining they were bored.  So I told them they could just play instead of cleaning, so long as they were quiet.  So they were really quiet and sweet and went back downstairs and cleaned up the whole basement.  Just kidding, but that's what I would say if I were trying to annoy you after you told me something really awful about your kids.  What they actually did was go downstairs and start fighting right outside of Ruby's room until she woke up.  So then I told them that they would have to go to their rooms and that we would not be going to the bookstore later (see what I nice mom I was planning to be?), and then all hell broke loose.  They both started bawling and thrashing around like I had thrown acid at them, saying that today was "the worst day ever" and wondering if it could be possible to have a worse "pennishment" - that's how Finn says punishment, and it kind of cracks me up when he is so upset but saying words wrong, so I never correct him.  But then a great thing happened:  Ruby fell back asleep and the boys both apologized and said that they would accept the punishment because they knew they should not have been fighting loudly outside of Ruby's door and told me how much they love me and went downstairs and really cleaned up that basement - they even cleaned the cats' litter box for me!  Just kidding again, but see how if that was what had happened, then the whole story would have actually been a way to brag about my kids and would make you want to throw up?  No, what really happened is that they cried and carried on for a long time while I went to get Ruby up and then I finally lost it when Finn shouted that he "hated this house," and I told them that if I heard another sound out of either of their mouths they would really hate this house because it would become their prison for a few days.  (My mom thought that was sort of mean, but she wasn't here, so I can't really accept her judgment on the matter.)  

Both of the boys fell asleep after about five minutes in their beds, and now I've been playing with Ruby (who is very cranky from lack of sleep) and cleaning up after her constant mess-making rather than accomplishing the million things I had planned to do this afternoon (okay, writing a blog is not really that productive, and while I am doing this, I can hear Ruby working on her favorite project, which is going through the recycling and drinking the last few drops out of all of the soda cans, but I'm trying to block that out.)  

So I'm still sort of mad at all three of them, and also vaguely mad at Matt, even though he wasn't any part of the problem, but he's not here, so he's not part of the solution, either.  And it really doesn't make me feel better to hear that someone else (who shall remain nameless, or course) would have turned the whole situation into something less than traumatic for all involved.  Something really awesome, as a matter of fact.  I know I've done that myself to other people (and on this blog I'm sure), sometimes in a genuine effort to give constructive advice, but sometimes just to make myself feel better.  It's really annoying and self-serving and, basically, pointless, because it doesn't make the other person think you're a better mom or that your kids are better than theirs, it just makes them think you are a jerk.  But sometimes I guess that's the only thing parents have in the way of a pat on the back:  self-promotion to other parents who don't want to hear it anyway.  If parenting were more like a real job, you might have someone paying attention to your better moments and telling you "nice job on that!"  Like, you might have a little plaque on your wall or buried under a stack of mail that said that you got your kids to school on time 90% of the time.  Or it might say that you had never let your kids get a peeling sunburn (I would not receive that award), because we all know that takes a lot of effort.  Maybe even one that said that you were "most improved in the area of patience when trying to get the kids in and out of the car."  You get the idea.  I could think of a million categories, but the point is that at least someone would have noticed.  Then you wouldn't occasionally slip into conversation that you potty-trained your kids "well before three," or that you were worried because your 4 year old has "stopped liking kale, no matter how many times I have presented it to him.  Now his favorite food seems to be grilled asparagus."  That just makes me start desperately trying to think of something terrible about your kid so that I won't feel like such a crummy mother.  I realize that's shallow, immature and petty, but when I've just had a parenting failure, that's how I feel.  Now, on the other hand, I would be more than happy to attend a black tie party where they are handing out awards to all my friends for being awesome moms and dads, because in my heart I know they are, even if I don't always want to hear it from them!