15 Days to Go: Gus and I can't get anything done!

This has been a very unproductive week.  I have this general anxiety level that seems to stay with me all day, and then gets even worse when I get in bed at night.  So then, of course, I don't sleep much and am pretty irritable the following day.  All of the little things that I know I have to do in the next two weeks are swirling around in my head all the time, and yet I can't seem to move forward with just getting them done.  I wish I were more like several of my best girlfriends who are masters of getting tasks done.  Anyway, I'm not, so things around here are pretty much in the same state they were in earlier in the week when I posted about having started a giant cleaning project.

It's still not done, but I know I have to get it done before Sunday, when we are hosting an Ethiopian pot-luck for a bunch of families in our area who are either in the process of or have adopted little ones from Ethiopia.  On a positive note, however, I did make a successful injera this morning as a practice batch for the party.  (For non-Ethiopiaphiles, injera is the pancake-like bread that is the base for Ethiopian cuisine, and it's hard to make.)  Gus declared it gross, and it is pretty bitter by itself, but I was pleased that it has the desired consistency.

Gus has been home from pre-school for two days for parent-teacher conferences (he got gold stars all around, of course), so he's been up to his usual antics to keep me from accomplishing anything.  Actually, he's watching a movie right now and I'm doing this, so I think he's probably not really the problem.  One of Gus' favorite past-times is looking at pictures and videos of Ruby on the computer.  I have only posted a few here, but we actually have a ton of pictures from Gladney and from a family who took over a package for us back in December.  They also took several short videos of her for us, and Gus and I love to watch them over and over again.  In almost all of the pictures and videos, Ruby is definitely not smiling.  Her expressions range from confused, to annoyed, to sad.  Gus calls this one here her "mad" face.

Gus likes for me to tell him stories about what she might be doing or thinking, and we are sure that she is spending alot of time every night wondering when Gus is coming to get her and make her laugh and smile.  He has thought of many things that he plans to show her that are going to make her laugh, Caroline & Millie (the kitties) being number one and two.  Almost everything Gus does makes Gus laugh, so we'll see if they share a similar sense of humor.  I can tell you one thing, if she thinks that farting is funny - and who doesn't? - it's going to be a non-stop laugh riot over here!  It's so nice to have little Gus around to keep me un-focused on things that don't matter too much.

I do wonder, though, what she will think of all of us.  I am having a hard time picturing the moment when we take her away from everything she knows.  Being loved and cared for at the orphanage for the last six months is her life right now, and in the videos I see her looking over to her "special mother" (her central caregiver) for reassurance the way children look at their mothers for cues when they don't know how to react to something.  On one hand, I am thankful down to my toes for how much these women love her and how wonderfully they have taken care of her, and on the other hand I am worried that she is going to be grief-stricken when we take her away.  I feel so terrible that we are going to rip away all of her fragile sense of security yet again.  It's like holding a baby down while they get a shot, but times ten.  

And speaking of shots, that reminds me of vaccines, which reminds me that we are leaving in two weeks!  I really, really need to get busy.  Next time you hear from me, this house is going to look like a museum and all of my to-dos will be done!  sure, sure, sure ...

Here's another one Gus and I like to laugh about - it's pretty easy to figure out what she is thinking ...