Spring break - Day 2

Ah, the Zoo.  Such a lovely idea & sure to be a hit with the kids.  Right?  Well, actually, we did have a great day at the zoo, so I really need to control my sarcastic, bad-mother side and just appreciate that no one ended up in the alligator swamp.  But ...

So, our day started miraculously early.  I was trying to leave the house by 8, but it was actually 9, which I didn't think was too bad.  Especially if you consider that I had fed all the kids, cut up a watermelon, packed drinks and snacks and extra clothes, diapers, the camera - with the battery charged(!), and even had on make-up.  So, off to the zoo.  Well, right after a quick detour through the district court of Winston-Salem.

Matt had gotten a ticket a few months back for having an expired registration, and then somehow with everything else going on, the court date snuck up on us and he already had a million surgeries scheduled and I think you can see where that is going to end.  Yesterday, when Finn, Ruby and I went down to the courthouse to see if we could sort it out a day early, they told me that I had to come back, but that it was a "walk through" court and the judge would dismiss it quickly.  Not so much.  In hindsight, I realize that I should have known that there would be two hundred people in line with me, but I think I was keeping that reality in a dark corner of my mind.  The "judge" - a guy wearing a red baseball hat and khaki pants, did dismiss the ticket, but only after we waited in a horrendous line in a tiny room for close to two hours.  I told Finn that he should feel lucky that we weren't at Disney World or we'd be spending alot more time in lines like that.  So that made us all feel better.  Of course, Ruby was a big attraction for all the good folks down at the courthouse.  Since she is still pretty indiscriminate with her affection, she made the rounds to all the other delinquents, holding her arms up so they could pick her up.  Everyone was really nice, but it's just a little weird to have your child seem as happy to be held by some random toothless person as she is by me.  Oh well, lucky for me we'll never see most of those people again, so Ruby will have to be satisfied with us.

So off to the zoo by 11, arriving at lunch time, beautiful weather and another family to hang out with.  Aside from the fact that it's exhausting to lug all the stuff around for everyone and the kids kept trying to crawl into Ruby's stroller, things were good.  Finn only asked me one time why I always have to be so mean, so that's pretty fair.  And, once I explained why I was being so mean, I think he understood.  There are only so many times I can be patient when a certain person leans on the handlebars of a stroller - an empty stroller - and the whole thing comes crashing over backwards spilling everything out of my diaper bag and $2.99 Sprite onto the ground.  Yes, it was an accident, but really, I'm not a saint.  Ruby was pretty much a dream during the whole day.  She loved the otters and the turtles, and she worked on trying to say various words.  She napped, she pooped, she ate.  Pretty, happy girl.

Tomorrow is "Art Camp" here at the house, and we're ready with fingerpaint, canvas, feathers and glitter glue.  I will post pictures of anything that I would consider selling.

Ruby resting at the zoo.  Notice her "zoo" dress!

Gus is happy doing anything so long as there are refreshments.

The otters were so entertaining!

Spring Break - Day 1

It's here, and we're here, at home.  Both of the boys have the week off this week, which is the first time that has happened, and yet we're not going anywhere, just chillin' here at home.  We figured that we would want to just be settling in at home still after the big trip, plus there's not too much left in the old bank account after Africa.  But now that the week is here, I'm sort of rethinking that and wishing we were on our way to some extravagant family resort with multiple pools and umbrella drinks.

However, here we are.  So, in an effort to be a "Good Parent," I decided to really give this whole parenting thing 110% this week, and I told the boys that we would be having Spring Break Spectacular 2010 here at home.  We made a little calendar for the week, with a special event for each day.  Today was supposed to be picnic and kite flying after Gus finished his last morning of preschool.  Unfortunately, there were tornadoes and terrible thunderstorms all night, so our picnic plans were nixed.  But I wasn't even worried, because I am so prepared and awesome that I told them that we would just switch Friday morning's activity  - Easter egg dyeing - to this afternoon.  They were super happy with that idea, and after a fun lunch together at our fave burrito place, we headed home to get started with Day 1 of the Best Spring Break Ever.  

As an aside, if you are in my age demographic, and you are a woman, you may find that alot of things in your life remind you of an episode of Friends.  This is somewhat embarrassing, because it's not like it was such a highbrow show, but I'm just admitting something that I think at least some of you can relate to, whether you're willing to admit it or not.  So, one episode that I find myself thinking of quite a bit involved Rachel teaching Joey how to sail.  Somehow, Joey had a new boat, and Rachel was all excited to teach him how to sail the way her father had taught her, and they got all prepared with the gear, the clothes, the picnic, and then within five minutes she was yelling at him and criticizing everything he was doing.  The whole endeavor was a fiasco.  Likewise, I find that often when I try to do something special with my kids that I think will be fun - like making cookies, craft projects, playing a new game, or ... dyeing eggs, I end up turning into a monster.  It's never the rosy, happy event that I have imagined in my mind, because inevitably it's way more messy, the kids fight over which task they get to help with, or someone loses interest halfway through and starts trouble.  That's when I usually start yelling and/or drinking (usually and).  The lesson here for me should be to start drinking before I begin the project, because then I might not notice that things aren't going that well.

So I boiled up 18 eggs, got all the little tablets dissolved in the colored buckets, showed the children that I loved them so much that I had gotten a Star Wars kit so that they could put Star Wars stickers on the eggs, and explained how to use the flimsy little wire dippers.  After some preliminary fighting over who would get which Star Wars sticker, we got started.  Now, I know that eggs can be hard to handle, and those dippers are not easy to use, but let's just say that significantly more eggs ended up on the floor than back in the carton.  Some were dropped before they made it into the dye, and others went overboard just after they came out of the bath, thereby splattering colored water all over the place.  I have to say that I give myself alot of credit for maintaining my cool through most of this.  I cheerfully noted that we would sure have alot of eggs for egg salad, and we all enjoyed eating at least one right then (Ruby somehow got a whole egg into her mouth in one bite!).  However, I did totally lose it when I looked over to see Gus cracking the last white egg on the side of the table.  Why?  He wanted to eat it.  What about the others that were already cracked?  He forgot about those.

Okay, at least there were no major spills of colored water, and the boys were pretty happy with the seven eggs that did manage to get dyed without incident.  I just find myself wishing that I had more patience, so that when I do try to do something nice for the kids, it ends up being a good memory for them.  I think back on my childhood, and I don't really remember my mom getting mad at us for messing stuff up, and I wish I could just be more at peace with the chaos.  To quote another timeless sitcom, "Serenity Now!"

Tomorrow is the zoo, so that should be easier in a way.  Will report back.

Cute X 7 = Ethiopian baby playdate!

On Wednesday, Ruby and I entertained some other little people from Ethiopia and their moms, and it was awesome!  With the exception of one child, everyone is relatively new to the USA, so it was fun to see how everyone is adjusting and learning and growing.  They are all so cute, of course, but it was also fun to see how totally normal they seem - including squabbles over toys, inordinate love of keys and cell phones, and, of  course, eating the other half of whatever someone else started.  The hallmarks of a good day for a toddler.     

Almost everyone was willing to sit still for a minute - unbelievable!

The boys look so over it!  One day you'll look back and be jealous of your two-year old selves hanging out with all these ladies.

Ruby and Helen - too cute!

For Your Eyes Only, Adoption Bloggers!

I've been spending alot of time lately reading other people's blogs.  Mostly, this is because Ruby has to be rocked to sleep, but I can't just sit in her room rocking her or else she'll suspect that I'm trying to put her to sleep and get super-mad.  So, I wander around the house holding her, sometimes talking on the phone, but more often reading stuff on the computer, until she crashes.  Then, sometimes, I can put her down.  My arms are getting pretty strong, which is a silver lining to the dark cloud of bad sleep habits we're creating (I know, you don't even have to say it).

Anyway, reading all these other adoption blogs has been really inspiring.  Families go through so much to bring their children home.  Obviously, many people go through hardships to have biological children, but it's a different process, and I'm sure there is a whole world of blogs about that stuff too.  Luckily for us, both of my pregnancies were relatively straight-forward - once the bun was in the oven, everything was pretty much on auto-pilot.  On the other hand, I felt that adoption was such a conscious process, where you have to make choices and take action at every step of the way.  If you just stop doing it one day, no baby.  So you keep moving forward slowly - sometimes making a phone call to a doctor's office for an appointment for your physical is all you do towards it in a whole week.  But you keep going, and then eventually - a long, long time after you started said process, you get a phone call asking if you would like to accept a referral.  And you choose yes or no.  And then you might lose that referral, so you can't really get excited yet, but you do anyway.  All the while, friends keep asking you if you're still pursuing adoption, or if you have any news.  But it's really hard to explain to people who haven't been through it, and you can see their eyes sort of glaze over when you start using words like "referral" and "embassy appointment."  Plus, you still have to keep living your everyday life, but no one is giving up their bus seat for you because you don't have a big old belly.  But that's okay, because, like I said, it's more a cerebral process than a physical one anyway, so instead of getting hemorroids and stretch marks, you've got a sore neck from holding the phone up to your ear with your shoulder while you spend hours on the phone making plane reservations and paper cuts from filling out yet more forms.  You have to keep doing all this stuff, it doesn't just happen to you.  All this is not to say that having a baby isn't hard - I've had two babies the old-fashioned way, and it's no day at the park either, but there is certainly not as much paperwork involved.

Then, finally, finally you go get your child, and you come home, feeling like a huge chapter of your life (possibly titled "Waiting") is over.  And that's great, because starting the next chapter is what it's all about, but at the same time, that wait was a part of the journey too.  I feel it doesn't get the respect it deserves in the world.  There are approximately 3 million books about pregnancy on the market, but not so many about waiting during adoption.  That's probably because it is so different in each case, and it's not that funny to make witty suggestions about what to wear to cover up your new big butt that you got from sitting in front of the computer researching adoption while eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon since, unlike pregnancy fat, no one thinks that's cute.

I think non-adoption people - meaning most everyone - have no idea what the process is like.  They see you with an obviously adopted child and think it just landed at your doorstep.  When people I don't know ask me whether Ruby is a "Haiti baby," and I want to yell at them that actually, no, I didn't just rush down to Haiti following the January earthquake and swipe a baby off the street, I don't.  I don't tell people that it wasn't "nice" of me to adopt a baby, it was a [expletive deleted] of work and money to get her.  I just say "well thank, I am a really nice person."

So, this seems to be veering off into a rant-ish post, which was not my intent when I sat down.  My intent was to say thank you to all the bloggers out there who share their adoption journeys.  The online adoption community fills in the gap on the shelf at the bookstore.  Reading other people's stories during the waiting phase and now that we're home has been at times addictive, at times really hard, but mostly just really helpful.  Fellow bloggers, your honesty and humor have kept things in perspective for me, so thanks for that.

It's Your Birthday Matt!

TO THE BEST HUSBAND & DAD IN THE WORLD!

LOVE CLAIRE, RUBY, FINN, GUS, LUCY, MILLIE & CAROLINE!  

Lucky girl!

Okay, I admit it, I don't usually like it when people tell me how "lucky" Ruby is.  I don't feel like she has been particularly lucky in the game of life thus far, being an orphan and all.  BUT, this child is now officially the best dressed girl in town, so I retract my previous statement and wholeheartedly agree that she is very, very lucky!  Yesterday, Matt's office in Greensboro threw a shower for Ruby - and she walked out with a wardrobe fit for a queen!  I'm pretty sure that she will never have to wear the same thing twice, which is good, because you know how the paparazzi can be so critical when you are caught doing that.  Anyway, it was great fun & Ruby had a fab time being the belle of the party - she is getting pretty comfortable in the spotlight!  Thanks ladies!

Ruby (with Stephanie) opening one of her many presents!

The spread was awesome!

Earlier in the week, Grandma and I took Ruby to Gus' school for show and tell, and we brought snacks. Ruby was not too into being the object of show and tell, but she did like the snacks - particularly the Oreos - as seen below!

One Month

Dear Ruby,

We've known you exactly a month now, and it seems like a good time to reflect on your arrival in our family.  We can't believe how much you have changed in four short weeks.  In fact, every day you change so much that when we go to bed at night, we are excited to see what the next day with you will bring.  When we first met you, you were so careful not to show us any part of yourself.  You didn't even want to cry in front of us.  You were careful to keep everything inside, and I don't blame you.  We looked funny, we sounded funny, and we probably smelled funny to you.  (We are actually very funny people, but I get that you couldn't appreciate that yet.)  We were also in your face all the time, shoving new, noisy toys at you, letting the big boys hold you, and messing with your hair.  We also thought you should start walking, and you really didn't think that was necessary since it was easier to be carried.

But we were patient.  We kept trying new stuff, until finally Daddy got you to giggle by throwing you up in the air and then letting you hit him in the face.  So then we were onto something.  We also detected that you really like snacks, and you even became a little demanding in that regard.  So we fed you, and you liked us a little better.  And then, piggybacking on that success, we tricked you into walking with tempting goldfish and raisins.  And that was all in the first week!

Then it was time to take you home, and we were worried that would be so hard for you.  We felt so sad for you to be leaving your country, even though we promised to bring you back to visit.  But obviously, you didn't really take all of that in, except that you were pretty annoyed by the whole 30-hour extreme plane ride experience.  We were really annoyed by it too, so at least we had that.

And then we were home, and you know how fast life comes at you, so we just jumped into it, and you did too.  And then little by very little, when we weren't even paying attention, you must have decided that we were not so suspect after all.  You learned our names, and you yell for us whenever you feel like it.  And when did you start moving so fast?  We can't keep up with your little body running around the house looking for electric outlets we forgot to cover, tiny Legos that missed the Big Clean-up, change that fell out of someone's pocket, old floor-food, and, of course, dog food.  Which reminds me, you really love to eat!  We all were trying to think today, and no one could come up with a food that you haven't liked so far.  Cucumbers, tuna fish, salmon, eggs, fruit, sweet potatoes, tortilla soup, and the list goes on and on.  For a mother whose two other children have refused to eat many, many things I've lovingly prepared for them, you are a dream come true.  Now, getting you to stop eating is another story, but we're very proud of your brave & adventurous palette!

Speaking of brave, we are amazed every day by how willing you are to open yourself up to new people and experiences.  You offer a tentative smile to a stranger at the grocery store, allow a new friend to hold you, and play peek-a-boo with just about anyone!  You have met all of your grandparents, and you did not hold back with them at all.  Maybe you noticed that they were all completely crazy for you, but we were so happy to see their love returned.  You make funny attempts to say their names, and you follow them around the house, knowing they are good for a long cuddle and as many kisses as you will tolerate.

Your brothers have learned so much about you too.  Finn loves to help with everything - he gets you out of your crib in the morning, he will do absolutely anything to make you laugh if you are sad, he loves to be the one to feed you your breakfast, and he can't wait to get home after school to see you.  In return, you seem to trust him not to drop you, you lavish him with hugs, and you sometimes (very rare) offer to share a bite of your food with him.  As for Gus, you can't get enough of him.  You follow him around saying "Gu-Gu" and laughing at his every silly thing he does.

With respect to our feelings for you, I can't really even put that into words.  I don't know when that thing happens with one's children, where all of the sudden you lose your breath for a minute when you imagine losing them for any reason.  It seems like right at first, when they are born or, in your case, when I met you, for a little while there is still some separation between myself and my child.  The first days that I knew you, you were still yourself and I was still myself.  And then now, in less time than it takes to go through a jar of peanut butter, everything is tangled and knotted up together.  You could never pick out a moment when it happened, but all of the sudden, it just is.  The strings of attachment that connect us to you also connect you, and therefore us, to Ethiopia and to people there who love you too, whether living or dead.  In your heart right now, I know you are still suspended somewhere in between these two worlds, and part of you may always be.  

So that's the first month.  A lifetime more to come.  We can't wait.

xoxo

 

Thinking of you ...

I am so sad for all of the waiting families who are now faced with traveling to Ethiopia two times.  I admire that everyone seems so positive - and it is awesome that you get to meet your babies sooner - but it is hard news.  You are in our thoughts.

A Corner ...

I think we turned one.  The rest of the week was much better.  It turned out that Gus had strep & scarlet fever, so we got him on meds and he perked up pretty fast.  The weather improved dramatically, and, best of all, Ruby is a rock-star sleeper!  I know that many of you had read where we really suck at getting our children to sleep, so we were hoping that a child that was free of our genetic taint might behave better in that regard, and I think it may be the case.  I don't want to jinx it, but she is sleeping a solid 11 to 12 hours a night.  It's nothing short of a miracle.  Also, she is adorable and laughing and we are having so much fun with her.  She is into everything, chuckles at her own little jokes, and is starting to try to talk to us.  So far she knows doggie, cat, daddy and something that sounds like Gus.  Finny and I are not taking it personally though, we know she loves us.

Speaking of love, I have had a revelation this week as I have watched Ruby open up and start to reach out to us.  All this time that we were waiting to adopt her, I focused on how much we would love her.  I would feel sad that she - and orphans in general - didn't have a mother and father to love them unconditionally and above everyone else.  And that is sad, so sad that I try not to think about all the children who grow up in orphanages around the world who don't have that.  But until I saw Ruby crawl over to Gus the other day while he was sitting on the floor crying his heart out because he didn't want to go to school to give him a hug, I never thought about the fact that learning to give love is as much of a gift as receiving it.  Ruby has so much love to give, and once she started trusting us even a little bit, she is so eager to give it.  We are far from all the way there in terms of Ruby feeling attached and secure, although we step a little closer every day, but I feel so overwhelmed and honored that we are the ones to whom she is starting to trust her little heart.

Ruby posing for Finn's Teddy Journal for school.  

well, the truth is ...

I am tired!  This is not the post I said I was going to write, because I don't have the mental facilities to write what I want to say at this point.  But it is, nonetheless, the truth.  We've had a long few days here.  Not necessarily bad, but just long and hard.  We are almost back on the right time schedule, but not quite, so we all wake up really early, and then I find myself falling into a semi-coma state after about 2 pm.  So that is not ideal, plus Gus is sick and needing lots of TLC, the cats both got spayed today, Ruby has some mysterious stomach pain (we think) and is fussing and crying more than normal, it's snowing again (so ready for Spring), and I can't seem to get the last few things from the trip put away.  Also, I've also been wearing the same clothes for two days (including sleeping in them), so that's sort of pathetic.
Anyway, here's hoping tomorrow is a bright new day here at the Giegengacks'!