One Month

Dear Ruby,

We've known you exactly a month now, and it seems like a good time to reflect on your arrival in our family.  We can't believe how much you have changed in four short weeks.  In fact, every day you change so much that when we go to bed at night, we are excited to see what the next day with you will bring.  When we first met you, you were so careful not to show us any part of yourself.  You didn't even want to cry in front of us.  You were careful to keep everything inside, and I don't blame you.  We looked funny, we sounded funny, and we probably smelled funny to you.  (We are actually very funny people, but I get that you couldn't appreciate that yet.)  We were also in your face all the time, shoving new, noisy toys at you, letting the big boys hold you, and messing with your hair.  We also thought you should start walking, and you really didn't think that was necessary since it was easier to be carried.

But we were patient.  We kept trying new stuff, until finally Daddy got you to giggle by throwing you up in the air and then letting you hit him in the face.  So then we were onto something.  We also detected that you really like snacks, and you even became a little demanding in that regard.  So we fed you, and you liked us a little better.  And then, piggybacking on that success, we tricked you into walking with tempting goldfish and raisins.  And that was all in the first week!

Then it was time to take you home, and we were worried that would be so hard for you.  We felt so sad for you to be leaving your country, even though we promised to bring you back to visit.  But obviously, you didn't really take all of that in, except that you were pretty annoyed by the whole 30-hour extreme plane ride experience.  We were really annoyed by it too, so at least we had that.

And then we were home, and you know how fast life comes at you, so we just jumped into it, and you did too.  And then little by very little, when we weren't even paying attention, you must have decided that we were not so suspect after all.  You learned our names, and you yell for us whenever you feel like it.  And when did you start moving so fast?  We can't keep up with your little body running around the house looking for electric outlets we forgot to cover, tiny Legos that missed the Big Clean-up, change that fell out of someone's pocket, old floor-food, and, of course, dog food.  Which reminds me, you really love to eat!  We all were trying to think today, and no one could come up with a food that you haven't liked so far.  Cucumbers, tuna fish, salmon, eggs, fruit, sweet potatoes, tortilla soup, and the list goes on and on.  For a mother whose two other children have refused to eat many, many things I've lovingly prepared for them, you are a dream come true.  Now, getting you to stop eating is another story, but we're very proud of your brave & adventurous palette!

Speaking of brave, we are amazed every day by how willing you are to open yourself up to new people and experiences.  You offer a tentative smile to a stranger at the grocery store, allow a new friend to hold you, and play peek-a-boo with just about anyone!  You have met all of your grandparents, and you did not hold back with them at all.  Maybe you noticed that they were all completely crazy for you, but we were so happy to see their love returned.  You make funny attempts to say their names, and you follow them around the house, knowing they are good for a long cuddle and as many kisses as you will tolerate.

Your brothers have learned so much about you too.  Finn loves to help with everything - he gets you out of your crib in the morning, he will do absolutely anything to make you laugh if you are sad, he loves to be the one to feed you your breakfast, and he can't wait to get home after school to see you.  In return, you seem to trust him not to drop you, you lavish him with hugs, and you sometimes (very rare) offer to share a bite of your food with him.  As for Gus, you can't get enough of him.  You follow him around saying "Gu-Gu" and laughing at his every silly thing he does.

With respect to our feelings for you, I can't really even put that into words.  I don't know when that thing happens with one's children, where all of the sudden you lose your breath for a minute when you imagine losing them for any reason.  It seems like right at first, when they are born or, in your case, when I met you, for a little while there is still some separation between myself and my child.  The first days that I knew you, you were still yourself and I was still myself.  And then now, in less time than it takes to go through a jar of peanut butter, everything is tangled and knotted up together.  You could never pick out a moment when it happened, but all of the sudden, it just is.  The strings of attachment that connect us to you also connect you, and therefore us, to Ethiopia and to people there who love you too, whether living or dead.  In your heart right now, I know you are still suspended somewhere in between these two worlds, and part of you may always be.  

So that's the first month.  A lifetime more to come.  We can't wait.

xoxo