Now I'm counting down the other way ... 4 days till they're back in school!

Just kidding, we've had a few good days here on our Spring Break 2010 Extravaganza.  Nothing too exciting.  Art day was good - predictably, the kids spent about 30 minutes actually painting, but they had fun anyway, and it was beautiful weather, so we set up Ruby's little water table and all played outside.  I'm not usually one to be sending shout-outs the Man upstairs, but I have to say that He really hooked us up with the weather this week.  Someone in this area must have done something very good to deserve this weather, and we're all getting the benefit of it.  It's been incredible and slightly uncharacteristic for NC this time of year.

Yesterday we went for a picnic and kite flying adventure.  The boys were so excited to try out the kites they had gotten as presents at one of Ruby's baby showers, and I had been putting them off about them for a long time.  You know when someone gives your kid a thoughtful gift that the kid loves - like a complicated craft project or a kite, and your kid is so happy but you are silently cursing them for setting you up for having to spend a significant amount of time helping the child play with it.  No, you are not like that?  Me neither, really.  I was also super-excited to go kite flying, so off we went.

The boys had a great time - I've never seen them run so much or be so happy to succeed at something - why am I not taking them kite flying every day?  And Ruby sort of enjoyed watching them fly the kites, but she and I had sort of a battle of wills that cast a pall on the whole picnic element of the day.  I had imagined that she would be running after the boys, playing in the grass, rolling the ball back and forth with me, etc.  In reality, once she detected that there was food on the ground - meaning she could get at it - that was all she could think about.  From talking with other moms with little ones from Ethiopia, I know this whole obsession with food is not unique, but it is really difficult.  The other day Finn said, "I know she does love us, but she loves food more right now."  True.  If food is not around, she can hang out and be pretty cool.  However, once she catches the scent, so to speak, forget about it.  Actually, I had been feeling better about it, like we were making progress, but yesterday was a bit of a setback.  Some days I am patient and careful about not putting her into situations where it will be a problem, but then some days I'm not so good.  I don't know what I was thinking with the picnic, but I think we'll be scratching that off our list of activities for a while.  If I was helping one of the boys with a kite, I would see her digging through bags to find anything I had hidden.  So then I moved her really far away from the picnic blanket, and she just sat there crying and then finally got up and headed straight back to the chow.

Who cares, right?  Let the kid eat.  Except that it's such an emotional thing for her, and the amount and speed at which she eats is pretty shocking.  So she was really, really mad at me because I kept taking food away, and I was kind of mad at her for being so annoying (I know, not too mature of me).  I hate being mad at each other because we don't yet have a total base of trust and love under there.  I can get mad at the boys all day long and they can be as obnoxious as possible right back, but it never touches our feelings about each other because we have so much history.  With Ruby right now, it's still pretty delicate.  When I do something she doesn't like, such as remove three chicken nuggets from her mouth, the only emotion I see in her eyes is anger.  I know she must feel so alone in that moment, and I feel like a big fat failure that I'm not always a model of compassion and love in these situations.

So, today is a new day, and I'm on top of it.  I've just written this whole thing before Ruby is even awake, so it's in the past and we'll start with a clean slate  and (I know it's corny) a clean plate.