Lucky girl!

Okay, I admit it, I don't usually like it when people tell me how "lucky" Ruby is.  I don't feel like she has been particularly lucky in the game of life thus far, being an orphan and all.  BUT, this child is now officially the best dressed girl in town, so I retract my previous statement and wholeheartedly agree that she is very, very lucky!  Yesterday, Matt's office in Greensboro threw a shower for Ruby - and she walked out with a wardrobe fit for a queen!  I'm pretty sure that she will never have to wear the same thing twice, which is good, because you know how the paparazzi can be so critical when you are caught doing that.  Anyway, it was great fun & Ruby had a fab time being the belle of the party - she is getting pretty comfortable in the spotlight!  Thanks ladies!

Ruby (with Stephanie) opening one of her many presents!

The spread was awesome!

Earlier in the week, Grandma and I took Ruby to Gus' school for show and tell, and we brought snacks. Ruby was not too into being the object of show and tell, but she did like the snacks - particularly the Oreos - as seen below!

One Month

Dear Ruby,

We've known you exactly a month now, and it seems like a good time to reflect on your arrival in our family.  We can't believe how much you have changed in four short weeks.  In fact, every day you change so much that when we go to bed at night, we are excited to see what the next day with you will bring.  When we first met you, you were so careful not to show us any part of yourself.  You didn't even want to cry in front of us.  You were careful to keep everything inside, and I don't blame you.  We looked funny, we sounded funny, and we probably smelled funny to you.  (We are actually very funny people, but I get that you couldn't appreciate that yet.)  We were also in your face all the time, shoving new, noisy toys at you, letting the big boys hold you, and messing with your hair.  We also thought you should start walking, and you really didn't think that was necessary since it was easier to be carried.

But we were patient.  We kept trying new stuff, until finally Daddy got you to giggle by throwing you up in the air and then letting you hit him in the face.  So then we were onto something.  We also detected that you really like snacks, and you even became a little demanding in that regard.  So we fed you, and you liked us a little better.  And then, piggybacking on that success, we tricked you into walking with tempting goldfish and raisins.  And that was all in the first week!

Then it was time to take you home, and we were worried that would be so hard for you.  We felt so sad for you to be leaving your country, even though we promised to bring you back to visit.  But obviously, you didn't really take all of that in, except that you were pretty annoyed by the whole 30-hour extreme plane ride experience.  We were really annoyed by it too, so at least we had that.

And then we were home, and you know how fast life comes at you, so we just jumped into it, and you did too.  And then little by very little, when we weren't even paying attention, you must have decided that we were not so suspect after all.  You learned our names, and you yell for us whenever you feel like it.  And when did you start moving so fast?  We can't keep up with your little body running around the house looking for electric outlets we forgot to cover, tiny Legos that missed the Big Clean-up, change that fell out of someone's pocket, old floor-food, and, of course, dog food.  Which reminds me, you really love to eat!  We all were trying to think today, and no one could come up with a food that you haven't liked so far.  Cucumbers, tuna fish, salmon, eggs, fruit, sweet potatoes, tortilla soup, and the list goes on and on.  For a mother whose two other children have refused to eat many, many things I've lovingly prepared for them, you are a dream come true.  Now, getting you to stop eating is another story, but we're very proud of your brave & adventurous palette!

Speaking of brave, we are amazed every day by how willing you are to open yourself up to new people and experiences.  You offer a tentative smile to a stranger at the grocery store, allow a new friend to hold you, and play peek-a-boo with just about anyone!  You have met all of your grandparents, and you did not hold back with them at all.  Maybe you noticed that they were all completely crazy for you, but we were so happy to see their love returned.  You make funny attempts to say their names, and you follow them around the house, knowing they are good for a long cuddle and as many kisses as you will tolerate.

Your brothers have learned so much about you too.  Finn loves to help with everything - he gets you out of your crib in the morning, he will do absolutely anything to make you laugh if you are sad, he loves to be the one to feed you your breakfast, and he can't wait to get home after school to see you.  In return, you seem to trust him not to drop you, you lavish him with hugs, and you sometimes (very rare) offer to share a bite of your food with him.  As for Gus, you can't get enough of him.  You follow him around saying "Gu-Gu" and laughing at his every silly thing he does.

With respect to our feelings for you, I can't really even put that into words.  I don't know when that thing happens with one's children, where all of the sudden you lose your breath for a minute when you imagine losing them for any reason.  It seems like right at first, when they are born or, in your case, when I met you, for a little while there is still some separation between myself and my child.  The first days that I knew you, you were still yourself and I was still myself.  And then now, in less time than it takes to go through a jar of peanut butter, everything is tangled and knotted up together.  You could never pick out a moment when it happened, but all of the sudden, it just is.  The strings of attachment that connect us to you also connect you, and therefore us, to Ethiopia and to people there who love you too, whether living or dead.  In your heart right now, I know you are still suspended somewhere in between these two worlds, and part of you may always be.  

So that's the first month.  A lifetime more to come.  We can't wait.

xoxo

 

Thinking of you ...

I am so sad for all of the waiting families who are now faced with traveling to Ethiopia two times.  I admire that everyone seems so positive - and it is awesome that you get to meet your babies sooner - but it is hard news.  You are in our thoughts.

A Corner ...

I think we turned one.  The rest of the week was much better.  It turned out that Gus had strep & scarlet fever, so we got him on meds and he perked up pretty fast.  The weather improved dramatically, and, best of all, Ruby is a rock-star sleeper!  I know that many of you had read where we really suck at getting our children to sleep, so we were hoping that a child that was free of our genetic taint might behave better in that regard, and I think it may be the case.  I don't want to jinx it, but she is sleeping a solid 11 to 12 hours a night.  It's nothing short of a miracle.  Also, she is adorable and laughing and we are having so much fun with her.  She is into everything, chuckles at her own little jokes, and is starting to try to talk to us.  So far she knows doggie, cat, daddy and something that sounds like Gus.  Finny and I are not taking it personally though, we know she loves us.

Speaking of love, I have had a revelation this week as I have watched Ruby open up and start to reach out to us.  All this time that we were waiting to adopt her, I focused on how much we would love her.  I would feel sad that she - and orphans in general - didn't have a mother and father to love them unconditionally and above everyone else.  And that is sad, so sad that I try not to think about all the children who grow up in orphanages around the world who don't have that.  But until I saw Ruby crawl over to Gus the other day while he was sitting on the floor crying his heart out because he didn't want to go to school to give him a hug, I never thought about the fact that learning to give love is as much of a gift as receiving it.  Ruby has so much love to give, and once she started trusting us even a little bit, she is so eager to give it.  We are far from all the way there in terms of Ruby feeling attached and secure, although we step a little closer every day, but I feel so overwhelmed and honored that we are the ones to whom she is starting to trust her little heart.

Ruby posing for Finn's Teddy Journal for school.  

well, the truth is ...

I am tired!  This is not the post I said I was going to write, because I don't have the mental facilities to write what I want to say at this point.  But it is, nonetheless, the truth.  We've had a long few days here.  Not necessarily bad, but just long and hard.  We are almost back on the right time schedule, but not quite, so we all wake up really early, and then I find myself falling into a semi-coma state after about 2 pm.  So that is not ideal, plus Gus is sick and needing lots of TLC, the cats both got spayed today, Ruby has some mysterious stomach pain (we think) and is fussing and crying more than normal, it's snowing again (so ready for Spring), and I can't seem to get the last few things from the trip put away.  Also, I've also been wearing the same clothes for two days (including sleeping in them), so that's sort of pathetic.
Anyway, here's hoping tomorrow is a bright new day here at the Giegengacks'!

Pictures, Finally ...

It's Friday afternoon, and this has been a long, long week!  It's bizarre to think that we started the week out in Africa and ended it here at home in North Carolina.  My mom and dad got here yesterday to help out, but I still haven't managed to get my head above water with much of anything.  Things are piling up around the house, I haven't returned phone calls and emails, and we're all still waking up at 4 am every day.  So, all that stuff isn't the best, but other than that, things really could not be better.  Ruby is changing every day - she is so talkative and funny now.  She loves to laugh at the boys, and they love to do things to make her laugh.  This afternoon it was jumping from the ladder of their bunk beds and crashing to the floor.  Don't ask my why this is humorous, but all three of them were cracking up.  Ruby continues to be an adventurous eater, although she is starting to express dislikes here and there, like strawberries.  She just turns her head to the side and makes a face like a little princess.  She loves to look at pictures of people in magazines - right now she is kissing a picture of an Indian doctor she found on a postcard that she dug out of the trash can (that would be the office trash can - just paper!).

Today my parents and I went with Ruby to Whole Foods for lunch, and Ruby sat there in her high chair waiving at everyone.  Who is this child who refused to acknowledge us for two days in Ethiopia?!  Shy Ruby no longer.  So we are having a ton of fun with her.  Finn and Gus are doing really well also.  They have had fun going back to school and sharing stories about the trip and their new sister.  Finn's class had a surprise party for him today, and my mom and I took Ruby.  She was dressed up in her traditional Ethiopian outfit - totally adorable - and she was very happy to sit and eat snacks with the big kids.  Finn showed off some of the things we brought back with us, and the kids gave him a book they had made while he was gone giving him advice on how to be a great big brother.  One of the children advised Finn not to mess with her or else she might "tear him up."  Good advice really, for dealing with the modern woman.  And Gus came home today with an awesome poster his class had made that counted down the days to leaving to get Ruby, and then the days until Gus came back home.  So cute!

So I have finally managed to put some of our 600-plus pictures into a slideshow - click below and it will go the album, and hopefully more will follow.  I couldn't post some of them because I didn't want to put up pictures of other people's children online, but I'll just assure you that all of the kids were beautiful.  We also were asked not to post pictures of children in any of the orphanages we visited, so that's why I didn't.

Hope you enjoy these!

Our Ethiopian Adventure

(Next post topic:  The Truth, or what I should say when people ask, "How was it?!")

Home at last!

I am totally exhausted, so I'll keep it short, but I wanted to just wish all the families getting ready to travel in the coming week good luck and safe travels!

My goal for tomorrow is to sort out a few of the more than 600 pictures we took to put up here.  Probably half of the 600 are pictures taken by Finn or Gus of their shoes, or extreme close-ups of their noses, or pictures that would have been good if they hadn't had their hand over the flash, so weeding those out will cut down on the number of pictures I subject everyone to.

Anyway, we are so so happy to be back home with our new daughter, even though we had a great time in Ethiopia (the coffee, the wonderful people, the friends we made, the coffee, the great food, and on and on).  Thanks to everyone who was praying or thinking good thoughts for us as we journeyed - it worked!

Our busy week is almost over ...

It's Sunday night here in Addis, and our week is drawing to a close.  Since I last wrote, we have done many things - some fun, some hard.  On Friday, all of the Gladney families had their birth-family meetings, so that was very emotional.  We had a wonderful meeting with Ruby's uncle, and it was really nice to have closure and have a chance to convey to him how much we will love her.  After that tearful meeting, we spent a few more hours crying as we visited three government-run orphanages.  It is really hard to put into words all of the things we saw and felt, but needless to say it was very hard to leave those children.  Finn and Gus did great through it all - they played soccer with the older boys at the boys' home, and the let the little toddlers hug and kiss them at the children's home.  I think they are probably still young enough to block out most of the bad stuff somehow.  At least I hope so.

We also found out Friday morning that we would not be getting our transit visa, so we had our very helpful mothers working as our travel agents to change all of our flights.  Sadly, we will now be leaving at 4:45 am on Tuesday morning and stopping about 4 times before we get to Charlotte 30 hours later, but at least we'll all be together.  Once we got that sorted out, I felt a great weight lift and have been much happier here in Ethiopia.  I think I was probably conflating alot of different emotions onto the transit visa, but I did shed quite a few tears over the course of the week as we kept hitting road blocks with it.   

Saturday morning Ruby, the boys and I hung out at Bejoe House and played in the lovely yard while Matt and Katie went to shop at the Merkato.  We are having so much fun watching Ruby come out of her shell!  In less than a week she has gone from not even crawling to walking, not making any sounds to laughing and babbling, and being completely passive to being very bossy and demanding.  I am sure it will still be a bumpy road for a while, but we are just excited to have such a funny little person in our midst. 

In the afternoon, the whole Gladney group - including babies - went out to the mountains for a dinner at Dreamland, a restaurant on a mountain overlooking a lake.  It was great to get out of the city and see a little of the country, and the air felt much better than it does here in Addis.  There were still plenty of rickety vans belching out plumes of black smoke on the road, but it just felt a little more spacious.  We were exhausted by the time we got back around 6, so we called it a night and all went to bed early.  Just when we are all on Ethiopian time, we're about to turn around and go home!

Today, Matt and I took the boys to the Sheraton Hotel to swim and play for a while.  It is a beautiful hotel, and the pool was fun & relaxing for all of us.  We were sad that we are not allowed to bring Ruby out on the town, because she would have had a blast in the water.  It's very odd to have just adopted a baby and then have to leave her at home when you go out to do anything, but at least the caregivers are wonderful and sweet with the babies.  Today Katie stayed home with Ruby, so they had a little party of their own. 

After we got home and had lunch, Katie and I went out to do more shopping.  Our driver took us to a good area near the Post Office where there are a ton of stores selling everything you might want to bring back for friends.  The only down-side to shopping with Katie is her love of haggling - she will argue over what would amount to a quarter just on principle.  I know that's the thing to do - and our driver was laughing at me for paying whatever the people asked, but I'm so bad at it!  Finally I agreed to try, and I got totally shut down, so from now on, sticker price for me. 

Tonight Matt and Kate took the boys out for Italian and I stayed home to put Ruby to bed.  If you've been reading my blog, you may remember that we are really bad parents when it comes to sleep training.  But so far, Ruby has been a sleeping rockstar so far - she sleeps all night and then just hangs out in her crib chatting when she wakes up.  Tonight, I think we started heading in the wrong direction.  She cried when I put her down, so I held her until she fell asleep.  Then she woke up a few minutes later, so I rocked her until she went back to sleep.  Now I'm waiting & hoping this is not the begining of the end of her good sleep habits!

Tomorrow morning we say good bye to Kate - which will be sad for everyone, and then start getting ready to head home.  I a little sad that the week is almost over, but I'm also excited to get back to our house and start real life again, now with five ...

More in a few days!

Update!

So it's Thursday night here, and we've had a few busy days here in Ethiopia.  Yesterday we visited the Gladney Foster Care houses - there are four of them, and loved seeing all of the babies and toddlers they are caring for there.  There are so many children!  Some are so outgoing and funny, while others watched us a little suspiciously.  There were babies that had just arrived that were so tiny you couldn't believe it, and then you see how well the women care for them and how healthy they are after a few months.  Ruby is good proof of that - 11 pounds when she arrived at 9 months, now at 16 months she's a total chunk!  I have no idea how much she weighs, but it's pretty impressive. We met all the women who had cared for her and saw her crib - there were 7 tiny beds crammed into a tiny room, with barely enough room to stand, but everything was clean and bright, and the women had such love for her and all the children that it wasn't sad in the way it might have been. 

After the visit to the Foster Care centers, we had a great Italian lunch - since the Italians occupied Ethiopia for five years during WWII, there is a fairly strong Italian influence.  While we were in the foster care center, Ruby saw a caregiver that she must have known, and she popped out with a quick "Ciao!"  We're trying to learn a few words - she still isn't talking much, but we're trying to get with the program and figure out what she is saying.  Unfortunately, Amharic is so complicated and the pronounciation is so difficult that even if someone tells you how to say a word, you will be hard pressed to be able to say it back.  I've got "wawa" - water - down, and "hello" - selam.  Aside from that, it's pretty sad.

Today we had a tour of an Ethiopian Orthodox church - very interesting, and then in the afternoon we went to the US Embassy for our visa interviews.  It was much more intimidating than I had imagined it would be, but ultimately everything was fine and all of the families sailed through with no problem.  Matt and I had to rush from that appointment over to the UK Visa Office (Matt's 4th trip to that office) to submit an application for a UK transit visa for Ruby.  We have been working on it all week, and after the US Embassy visit we finally had all the paperwork we needed to submit it.  Now we're just crossing all of our fingers and toes that we will get the visa back tomorrow so that we can fly out as scheduled on Monday morning.  To say that there is alot of red tape involved is a gross understatement, and my only advice to families traveling in the future is to avoid going through a country that requires a transit visa. 

While we were doing all of that miserable paperwork, Kate and the boys went to the Sheraton hotel for a swim in their fancy pool.  They all came back pretty red despite using lots of sunscreen, which I guess isn't too surprising given that Addis is above 8000 feet.  They had fun though, and we'll need to go back before we leave - Kate and I have plans to enjoy the spa there as well!

After a nice nap, we went with all the Gladney families to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant where we ate great food and saw traditional dances from all of the different regions of Ethiopia.  Tragically, Matt had to depart mid-meal due to what is probably the same stomach bug that Gus had a few days ago.  He's all bundled up in bed now, and hopefully on the mend.  Tomorrow we have more in store, so there's hardly time to be sick! 

Many things can happen in a short amount of time ..

So, we're here & we have a new little person in the family!  All is well here, and we're having so much fun after a day and a half here in Addis.

We left London on Sunday night at 9 pm after 1) a an angry, tearful scene at the check-in counter at Ethiopian Airlines (in spite of the tears, we ended up paying close to $200 in baggage fees), and 2) almost missing our flight despite checking in over 2 hours before it took off due to our collective lack of time-pieces and all of the distractions of Heathrow Airport.  The flight was fine, but neither me nor Matt was able to sleep at all the whole night.  We arrived at 8 am, disembarked, and then spent the next two hours in lines to achieve various things, such as getting visas, going through customs, etc.  The kids were completely spent, as were we, and the airport scene put us all over the edge.  By the time we met Travis from Gladney, I felt slightly hysterical and insane, and then he informed us that he would be bringing Ruby to our guesthouse in an hour!  I would love to say that I was overjoyed and immediately revived by this great news, but in reality I almost passed out and was on the verge of tears.  I had thought we would be meeting her late that afternoon, so we would have most of the day to rest and regroup.  Of course, being me, I had imagined the first meeting in a very specific way, and being strung out was not part of the dream.  However, Kate and Matt seemed game, and it was what we had come for after all, so I did my best to rally.

After a quick shower and rest at the lovely Bejoe Guest House (more on that later), we got word that Travis was bringing Ruby and two other babies over in 10 minutes!  We got all ready, grabbed the cameras and went out to the lawn to wait.  Emotionally, it was very strange.  There are so few moments in life where you are experiencing a thing for the first time where you have absolutely no emotional context for it.  I remember that about 10 minutes before I walked down the aisle to get married I realized that I couldn't even put into words what I was experiencing, because it was an emotion that I had never had before - some combination of excitement, anxiety, change, happiness and finality that I couldn't put a finger on.  Anyway, it was the same feeling with this.  Just very strange. 

Travis brought one of the other babies out first - beautiful Bereket - and we took pictures of her meeting her parents for the first time.  And then he brought out this chubby, sleeping baby and handed her to us!  We could not believe this was the same child who had weighed 11 pounds when she came to Gladney at 9 months old.  She was adorable, of course, but sound asleep, so we just marvelled at her heft and sat and admired her.  After a while, we decided that we might as well take advantage of her sleeping, so we all went to bed for a while.

When she woke up a little later, we took her to meet the boys (they had been sleeping when she first arrived), and we all had fun trying (unsuccessfully) to make her smile.  Not only did she not smile, she did not make a single noise, even to cry.  She just took us all in with her enormous eyes and let us make funny noises at her and pass her from person to person for hugs.  At some point I started to wonder if she might be mute, she was so quiet.

We were all so tired that night that we were in bed by about 7:30, so we weren't surprised when we all woke up around 5 am.  We got up, played with Ruby, ate some snacks, before one of us realized that we had gotten the time from Matt's cell phone which was still on US time.  So that was 5 pm, not 5 am, which meant it was about 1 am when we got up.  Crazy.  We finally got back to sleep and slept in till 9 or so, at which point Gus woke up with a bad stomach ache.  He proceeded to vomit all morning, but by dinner time was back to his old self and even ate a huge amount of spicy Indian food.  I am always surprised that Gus doesn't get sick more than he actually does, since he is always on the floor in public places, sticking his hands in gross places, and is generally a filthy child, but his quick recovery is evidence of his hearty little immune system. 

We really just spent most of the day playing with Ruby here at the house and hanging out with the other families here.  The boys are having so much fun with her, and she seems to like to play little games with them.  Finn is being very responsible, and Gus loves that she seems to like goldfish as much as he does.  She is smiling a little now, and Matt got her laughing, and she has said a few words (that we don't understand, but we're just encouraged by the sounds).  In the late afternoon, we took the boys to the Lion Zoo (no further explanation needed), and did a little shopping.  We had dinner at a nearby Indian restaurant - delicious & cheap, as all the food has been so far.  Tomorrow we will go to the foster care center where Ruby has been for the past 6 months and meet her "special mother."  Now to bed, and hopefully for the night!

London

We're here in London!  We had a long flight - especially since we sat on the ground in Charlotte for almost 3 hours waiting to be de-iced (I don't really trust that procedure, so I was in panic mode).  Luckily for me and my fear of flying, our neighbor Cindi - a flight attendant for US Air - had told our flight attendant to look out for us, so he hooked us up with many little bottles that made the whole fear of crashing seem less pressing.

We arrived Saturday morning, tired but alive, and then had a very Chevy Chase/Family Vacation scene at the airport trying to get into a taxi that could fit all of our bags.  Eventually we did though, and we got to the hotel where we met up with Matt's sister Kate, who had arrived the night before.  Since our room wasn't ready, we decided to hit the Natural History Museum right away.  Very fun - the dinosaur exhibit was awesome.  Unfortunately, exhaustion was starting to catch up with us, as I noted that Matt looked in danger of falling into the animatronic T-Rex exhibit if we didn't get him to a bed right away.  After a long nap, we went out for Indian food and completely stuffed ourselves, which in turn made us ready to go straight back to bed!

Today we are off to sight-see - the Tower, Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace and anything else we can squeeze in before we leave tonight at 9.  Our goal is to have the boys totally wiped out by the time we get on the plane.  Hopefully it won't backfire - we've already had a few melt-downs related to exhaustion and general crankiness.  But overall, so far so good, and we're getting closer and closer ...

1-2 Days to Go, Depending on How You Count!

So tomorrow is the big day.  At the moment, there are seven open suitcases all over the house, countless little baggies of random items I need to pack, and the dining room table is covered with clean laundry (but that's not all that unusual).  We leave from Charlotte tomorrow night at 6 pm on a direct flight to London, so basically, we're under 24 hours to go.  (As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that home security experts would probably urge me not to be quite so specific!)  All of this packing and organizing seems to be taking the place of all of that pre-delivery stress and nesting I experienced with each of the boys, and here I thought I was skipping all of that misery by adopting!

Today was Finn's "Sing" at school - the first and second grade put on a performance they have been working on for a while, and then theme was America.  They had learned many patriotic songs, as well as the songs for each of the Armed Forces.  It was very moving and sweet, and I was so proud of Finn up there singing his heart out.  

There is is getting ready to sing - so cute, and I especially like how the picture captured first graders being so bizarre & funny, as they all are, all around him.

Anyway, so it was a really normal, good day here, but when I was hugging Gus goodnight tonight, I told him that this would be the last night that we would go to be in our beds just the four of us.  Next time we all sleep here, Ruby will be in her crib (hopefully, although more likely in our bed).  Gus was super-happy with that idea, and snuggled down to imagine his new life as a big brother, but I have to admit that I was a little emotional.  For all of our ups and downs, and for as sure as we feel that we're doing the right thing, I feel like we've had a pretty good run of it with just the four of us.  I'm pretty used to their little ways, and I know it will take a little while to shuffle everyone around in the new configuration.  I remember feeling this way before Gus was born too, like he was going to be a little spoiler in the love affair we had going with Finny, but then, of course, he wasn't.  (In full disclosure, for a little while Finny was really mad, and he is still pretty abusive to Gus on occasion, but they love each other to death and play and gang up on us just like brothers are supposed to do, so I think it worked out okay.)  It's just that change is a little scary, even good change, just because it's not like it was before.  So, I'm just having a little goodbye to our old life before we take off on this adventure.  I think that's okay though, because at the same time I'm a little nostalgic, I can't wait one more minute to scoop up this baby and get her back here to start the next chapter.   

Here we go ...

4 Days to Go: Consuming Everything ...

So, I've been reading Malcolm Gladwell's book, What the Dog Saw (I love everything he writes), and there is a chapter in it about what he refers to as "consuming risk."  It's all about how there will always be NASA explosions, and car crashes, and other such massive, systemic disasters, because we human beings tend to "consume" risk.  That is, we might make a safety advance in one area, especially after a disaster such as a space shuttle explosion when we investigate "what went wrong," but then we go ahead and use the extra safety we have secured to take an equal risk in another arena.  Obviously, these are not necessarily consciously calculated risks, but somehow we seem to settle on a level of risk-taking that is comfortable, and then revert to it, regardless of how many safety procedures we have in place.  So, for instance, we make many safetly advances in car design - such as air bags, anti-lock brakes, etc, but then we raise the speed limit to the point where there are essentially as many fatal accidents as there were before the aforementioned safety advances.  But at least the rest of us are getting to our destinations more quickly.

Malcolm Gladwell explains the whole thing much better and in much more depth, but when I read it, it touched on something that I have thought a lot about in my own life.  Quite often I will attempt to get really organized and be totally on top of something, only to let some other thing fall apart.  Or I take up exercise, only to begin eating candy like crazy.  I maintain a careful budget for some period of time, only to blow a bunch of money on something not even on the budget.  So I zero out, not making too much progress.  All through school - high school, college, and law school - I essentially had the exact same GPA.  It was a pretty good one - not awesome, but good enough for me to feel like I was working really hard but not killing myself.  But it takes some kind of unconscious strategy to stay right around the same GPA, or the same weight, or keep my house at about the same level of controlled chaos.  So I really do believe the theory of risk consumption - I've been living it all my life.

But, sometimes, progress must be made.  It seems that every now and then, when we reverse the model, we get to move ahead two spaces.  In other words, if we put the risk first, rather than waiting for some small advance before backsliding into the risk, we can win big.  You could call it faith, or stupidity, or a stroke of luck, but sometimes jumping off the cliff is actually how you find out if you can do a thing.  (I realize this is starting to sound like a long-winded explanation of the expression "nothing ventured, nothing gained," so I'll wrap this up...)  For me, it seems like when it comes time to make a "big" decision - what career to pursue, whom to marry, where to live, whether it's time to start a family - rational analysis doesn't work.  The fallout from that kind of decision is so complicated, so completely beyond the power to foresee the future, that I'm not really even making a decision so much as just crossing my fingers and hoping I have what it takes to make it work.  (And if something blows up in my face, I can then go back and painstakingly re-evaluate the risk - now with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight - and tell myself that I should have seen X, or that I will never make that mistake again.)

Of course, people ask all the time about how we decided to adopt, or why Ethiopia, and I say things that seem to make sense to them and to myself.  But the truth is, I'm not really sure.  We just started thinking about it, and then we started doing it, and now here we are.  And all along the way, as we filed paperwork, made doctors' appointments, painted the nursery, paid thousands of dollars to Gladney, I'm not even sure I could really explain why we were doing it.

And then one day in November we got a phone call, and a picture, and a little story about Shurube, and that was that.  And all of the sudden, it all made sense.  The risk was consumed by the lovely reality of a baby; and it didn't look like a risk anymore at all, but just a really great decision we made.

4 Days to Go: Gus' class is adorable!

Sweet Gus brought home a very heavy bookback from preschool today!  It was filled with notebooks and markers for us to take to the children in Ethiopia, as well as pictures that his friends have made for him to bring to Ruby's "friends" in the orphanage!  So cute!  They have been doing a countdown of their own in class, and it's finally starting to sink in for Gus.  I think he still isn't quite sure of the difference between a week and a day, but he knows we're leaving soon.  Thank you to the Stars for all of your wonderful art & warm wishes for children on the other side of the world!  And thanks so much to Mrs. Hanson & Mrs. Lacey for putting it together!

5 Days to Go: I have started a bunch of posts, but can't seem to find time to finish any of them!

Today:
I spent over an hour on the phone with an airline adding Ruby to our return ticket
I stressed (and am still stressing) over the fact that we might not get a transit visa for Ruby in time to make our flight out of Addis on Monday
I packed some clothes for the boys
I bought more sippy cups in an effort to have all the sippy cups of the world
I wasted too much time watching the Bachelor
I talked to my bff Tara about adoption, car accidents, whether I needed to take multiple boxes of Wheat Thins, and other such important matters
I steered Finny in the direction of Paul Revere for his "Famous Americans" project (off of a list, not out of any in the world; plus, he wouldn't choose a woman because he does not want to have to dress up like a woman, which I think is a flaw in the assignment, because I see his point, but there were some pretty awesome women on the list)
I started a blog that I want to finish about how "lucky" is a funny word when used in conjunction with adoption

7 Days to Go: We Leave Friday.

Not, two weeks from Friday, or "next" Friday.  Just Friday.  That's it.

8 Days to Go: Chili & Corn Tortillas

You guessed it ... no school for the boys again today, therefore, not much forward progress on trip preparations.  Actually, I really need to take responsibility for my own actions, instead of blaming it on people who can't even read what they are being blamed for.  I just had one of those days where I stayed in my pjs all morning, making a big pot of extra-spicy Texas chili and fooling around on the internet.  The kids were having fun working on lego projects and making a fort for the cats, so it was all very nice and peaceful.  None of us left the house all day (except for Matt, of course, ever dedicated to "stamping out blindness" - his phrase).

My chili recipe involved adding masa harina at the end for thickening, so once I had that out, I decided that Gus and I would have fun making corn tortillas.  One of Gus' best attributes is his strong desire to just be with another person, no matter what they are doing.  If he likes you, he'll sit and watch you paint your nails, send emails, learn how to use a sewing machine, or build a lego set for 3 hours.  He'll chat, ask questions, make jokes and go for snacks while he's watching, but he never gets bored.  He especially loves it when the other person's activity is something he can help with.  Finn clearly enjoys giving Gus tasks, and he's often surprisingly patient trying to show Gus how to do a thing.  (see picture below for an example)  So anyway, I knew that making tortillas would be right up his alley.  Mushing the dough, rolling little balls, pounding them flat and rolling them out - perfect stuff for a 4.5 year old.  They were good too, especially after I fried them into chips and salted them!

By mid-day, the wet snow had turned to icy rain and sleet, and it just seemed totally implausible that at the same moment we are here in this winter world, Ruby is waiting in blissful ignorance in sunny Addis Ababa.  It's also impossible to pack for a warm-weather trip when the weather where we are is the complete opposite, so that's going to be a challenge for me.

BUT, we did get very serious about making a to do list tonight after the kids went to bed.  It's pretty long, and all of the things on it are potentially going to take a really long time.  One thing on the list is new - I found out today that Ruby will need a transit visa for when we come home and have to change airports in London.  Stress - hate paperwork and filling out forms.  Sara at Gladney is helping me figure it out, but we have to wait until Monday to talk to the staff in Addis to get Ruby's passport info to fill out the application. So first thing tomorrow we're going to get straight to work on this list ... for real!

(this picture is Finn with "Teddy" from school that he got to bring home and write about the other night. Gus of course wanted to be a part of the action, so he kept sneaking into the pictures Finn wanted me to take of all the crazy things he and Teddy were doing.)

9 Days to Go: Single Digits

So, not much time for blogging of late, because after my tragic post on Tuesday, Finn actually did have school on Wednesday and today, and Gus went for two hours today, so I've been frantically trying to get things done in those little windows of time.  Plus, Matt and I are really slaves to our TV schedules, and between American Idol and Lost, we are not getting much done at night.  Ever since we got TIVO a few years ago, we don't necessarily watch more TV, but I feel like we do have a lot of shows that we get into and hate to miss.  I won't even get into the amount of time Matt dedicates to watching the Eagles (and all NFL teams whose games might have even remote relevance to the Eagles).

So, you would think we would be full steam ahead getting ready for the trip, and I definitely am chipping away at it, but in some ways, life continues as normal over here.  I feel slightly suspended in time with all the snow & no school.  School has already been cancelled for Gus tomorrow, and Finn's likely will be too.  I think tomorrow I will post what I think I have left on my to do list, and then maybe that will make me actually start doing it.  Right now, though, bed so that I can behave nicely tomorrow and not be a total frantic maniac yelling at everyone while we're all snow-bound here at home!

11 Days to Go: Bad Weather Funk

The lovely snow that seemed so delightful when it came Friday night is now hanging around like an unwanted houseguest.  It's starting to make me crazy, mostly because I'm starting to think that the boys are going to be out of school from now until we leave next Friday.  There seems to be no effort to rid the streets of snow, and although we are able to drive around, apparently not everyone is, so no school.  Today I got the kids out of the house around 11, determined to check a few things off the list.   We trudged through Costco and Target before I called it quits, and the worst part is, I know I'll be back at both of those places before we go.  It's just impossible to get everything on your list when children are with you.  I did end up with quite a few things that were not on my list, thanks to the kids, and I figure that I would have come out better financially if I had paid a babysitter to stay with them while I shopped.

A bright spot upon returning home was a package from my friend Alyssa with these cute little numbers!

Pink is fun!!!

12 Days to Go: Snow, Baby Shower, Injera & More

This past weekend ranks up there with some of our best ever.  For starters, we had a huge, beautiful snow on Friday night - unusual for Winston-Salem, and it didn't even interfere with our Friday night plans.  We had dinner with some new friends (also Texas transplants), who have three boys, so by the end of the night we had two sweaty, exhausted little lumps of boys to put in the bed.  I love how boys play with each other so whole-heartedly.